observinglyfe : living in sub-urb

Seperti yg pernah kuceritakan sebelumnya, saya tidak pernah berencana untuk merantau ke Jawa, well, tinggal di pesisir Sumatra Timur, kabupaten paling selatan dari ibukota provinsi, apalagi seorang perempuan, mana pernah terfikirkan untuk hidup mandiri di kota antah berantah yg kulturnya sangat berbeda. Mungkin kalo saya seorang laki-laki, akan beda lagi ceritanya. Mungkin, inilah jawaban Allah atas doa saya yang ingin keluar dari rumah sejak usia 14-15 tahun, sekitar kelas 2-3 SMP. Saya pernah berencana untuk kabur dari rumah kelas 2 SMP saking tidak nyamannya rumah itu, (hampir) setiap hari mendengar pertengkaran dan saya yang di-abuse secara fisik dan verbal oleh orangtua hingga saya berniat kabur ke rumah nenek. Allah menyuruh saya menunggu, hingga di usia 18 saya diizinkan Nya untuk “kabur” dengan elegan untuk kuliah.

Saya terdampar di sub-urban selatan Greater Jekardah. Sendirian, ada sih saudara jauh di sentraal jekardah tapi gak begitu deket. 18, hidup sendirian, kuliah engineering, culture shock hahaha.

morning was started with a coffee and warmed cheese bread, my fav. as usual, i can’t understand myself well, so i thought i need a counseling with a new psychologist because i noticed something that broke me down this week. So, I write this in order to sort out my feelings so I can communicate my goal clearly.

Monday, got an annual leave, because i wanted to celebrate the eid. but the rest can’t put my mind at all.

Tuesday, work work work. still didnt get the mood,

wednesday, finally, i organized my workload and everything seemed clearer

after 10 years of graduation

after graduation, I came back to my hometown, which is about 290 km to the south of the province’s capital. i was a naive 22 years old, the one who didnt think much about the direction of my own life, what kind of job i was really interested in. it was so miserable time, my family worried so much about me as they had such a high expectation. actually, my parent did not pay for my tuition fee, because i got full scholarship from the government. And I am a woman so I didnt have to work in order to feed the family. So, it was less burden for me, hihihi

The situation turned worse as I got pressure from my own family. my mum kept on lecturing me every night, and i was so full of it. she didnt recognize my efforts, so, one day, i was so super-saturated with that and I swore to myself that I didnt want to be there.

So, I planned to return to Jawa after 1 year of figuring out what I really wanted. It was really a tough decision, because, at the same time, I got an offer from a coconut manufacturing plant near my hometown. Even I didn’t know if i took the best and right decision.